Good Filk

Original song Hotel California
Original artist The Eagles
Filk author Brian Marshall


Satan C Compiler


First I tore off the wrapping, then I took out the Disk
I never noticed the warningsign of the label that said "RISK!"
Then I picked up the licence, read the Guarantee
It said that all the code I'd write would be fully bug-free

I put the disk onto drive A, the hard disk started to smoke
The smell of sulfur everywhere, my eyes burned, I started to choke
Then my amber monitor started glowing dark green
Smoke slowly started to rise as I saw the startup Screen

And it said...

Welcome to the SATAN C Compiler...
You'll write perfect code, it'll always load,,
We're so glad you bought the SATAN C Compiler
Bug Free's the Goal
But it'll cost your soul....


I just stared at the terminal, I think it stared back at me,
Then I laughed at the practical joke, and settled down to use this C
I wrote a HUGE multitasking Database just for fun,
with built in datebook and spreadsheet to boot
I never thought it'd run...

I left pointers dangling, coerced types every place,
My memory management problems with "alloc" not even lint could erase.
But I put in stub modules and prepared for the test
It compiled in half a second flat, God was I impressed!

All the modules were working, even the stubs were armed
I knew right then and there my coding was great


Welcome to the SATAN C Compiler,
you'll always write perfect code,
It'll always load,
But now you must pay for the SATAN C Compiler,
Although it works just swell, it'll never sell!


And now I sit in my Basement, Starving, Broke, and Alone
I never speak to anyone although I sometimes moan.
But I thought that I'd warn you to not touch that disk,
The One that Infernal Business Machines wimply Labels 'RISK!'

But for me it's too late, I can't get out of this Hell,
I stab at ctrl-alt-del. but I just can't Kill the Shell.
All I get is one message, and the text makes me grieve
"You can Logoff any time you like but you can never leave.."


Welcome to the SATAN C Compiler,
you'll always write perfect code
It'll always load
You better not go near the SATAN C Compiler.
If you do, my friend, It'll be your end....


Original source